As long as screens have been around, we’ve been noisily debating how long we should spend in front of them. How much is too much? Is it harmful? What will happen if we don’t have rules? And now with school, socialising and play moving online, it has become even more complicated. What can you do to maintain some structure when you find your family turning tech on and turning off normal screen time rules?

Here you’ll find some guiding principles and tips for parents who have kids that are becoming independent in their technology use. They might be between the ages of 8-13, perhaps they just got their own smartphone, or they have a new interest in exploring it and expanding their tech use with friends and away from parents. Scroll to the bottom of the article to see a breakdown of younger ages.

Let's get started!

Three Guiding Principles

There are a few screen time principles that stick, regardless of what’s going on at home or in the outside world. Put simply, these are: not all screen time is equal so don’t treat it that way; follow your own screen time guidelines; and foster your child’s independent decision-making. If you use these as a framework, then you’re already on the road to tackling screen time.

Let's look at each principle in detail.

1. Know that not all screen time is equal

The "time" in "screen time" can be misleading. It’s not the amount of time that kids spend on screens, it’s about what they’re doing. Your child could be spending two hours watching a nature documentary versus two hours scrolling through a social media feed. Either way they’ve spent two hours in front of a screen, but the outcomes of that time are different. Here are a few ways to try to strike the right balance:

The purposeful approach

Taking a purposeful approach means aiming for an end goal of their screen time instead of seeing it as time filler. In other words, what are they using the screens for? An end goal could be anything from learning how to plant an avocado seed to advancing critical thinking skills through a game, to being social. If they take something valuable from that screen time then it has benefits beyond the screen.

Be flexible

Allow for some flexibility for how screen time is used. Circumstances, moods and situations will inevitably change, so focus on what you can do in that moment. For example, if there’s a reason for some downtime, such as watching TV or YouTube, then use it. Aim to make screen time purposeful, rather than using it as a stop-the-clock activity.

Strike a balance

There are lots of different types of screen time, and it's important to strike a balance amongst them. Sometimes mindlessly scrolling or watching is just what we need. There’s no harm in that, as long as it doesn’t take over your time and it is balanced out with more substantive activities. A great place to start is to take note of how different screen activities affect your child's behaviour depending on other factors such as time of day or frequency, and then adapt your own guidelines around that.

Here’s a quick guide to the different types of screen time to help you develop your own guidelines:

1. 5 Signs of Screen Overload -- and How to Handle Them, 2. Screen time can also be family time. Here’s how to do it., 3. The Museum of the World, 4. Crash Course Media Literacy Preview on YouTube, 5. Learn At Home, 6. Wide Open School

2. Set screen time standards

Children tend to copy their parent’s behavior, and the screen time trap can be just as sticky for adults as it is for children. When you add working from home and home-schooling to the mix, being a role model gets complicated. If you’re clear about what your own screen time standards are and you follow them actively, then you can start to introduce them into the household. Here are some ways to start:

Be transparent

Start recognising your own tech use. Is there a habit that you’ve wanted to kick for a while, such as texting while watching a film or taking calls at the dinner table? Start here by explaining what you’re doing, even being transparent about what’s difficult about breaking that habit. Next time you try to introduce a screen time rule or limitation, it will show that you're also trying to adopt it yourself.

Check it out: Smartphones Call for Smart Habits, a Data Detox article for tips on how you can get started.

Shared house rules

If everyone in the household is following the same screen time rules, even if ages, devices or demands differ, then it already sets the tone. Sit down together and figure out what the best rules for you are and stick them somewhere visible in the house. Perhaps it’s no screens in the bedroom, or gaming on certain nights of the week. Remember to keep them clear and concise.

Create a charging station in your home where all devices (including yours) are charged and left overnight.

Set boundaries

It may sometimes feel like the phone or computer always has the answer: “I’ll just Google that”, “I’ll check Maps”, “Isn’t there an app for that?”But tech doesn’t need to travel with us everywhere. Set some boundaries that echo what a child sees around them. For example, tech is helpful for keeping in touch with family, for listening to music and for finding directions when lost, but you don't have to use it when out on a walk or when talking to people who are in the same room as you.

Time of day matters. A general rule of thumb is not first thing in the morning or last thing before bed, especially for pre-teens.

3. Inspire independence

This last principle is about getting children to take responsibility for their own decision-making around tech. This is tough, but it can have a long-term positive impact and it may reduce the arguments and constant back and forth that come with just laying down the law.

Ask and acknowledge

Ask what did you see online today? Just as you might ask, how was school today? Make it a regular conversation to encourage questions and discussions about the digital world so that you can support your kids in making sense of it.

Data Detox as good practice

As they sign up to platforms and reveal more of their personality, and therefore their data, encourage your child to start thinking critically about their privacy. This can be as simple as exploring the settings on a phone, for example, or understanding that location data can be switched on and off. If this becomes part of everyday tech use then it’s far easier for them to make informed decisions down the road.

Tip: Encourage your child to use a privacy-conscious browser such as DuckDuckGo or Firefox Focus when searching. Check out the Alternative App Centre for more privacy-conscious app suggestions.

Check it out: Data Detox x Youth are playful informative worksheets that help high school students understand data and take control of their tech.

Reflect reality

Screens bring the outside world inside, so rather than seeing that as threat, use it as an opportunity to extend the same discussion and teaching around values that you would uphold ‘in real life’. For example, you wouldn’t turn around and start talking to someone else while a person is speaking to you, so why would you text while you're having a conversation?

To help maintain digital values with appropriate and positive content, you can start by setting parental controls on YouTube and Netflix.

What the experts say about age and screen time

1. Children and Media Tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics, 2. Children’s screen-time guidelines too restrictive, according to new research, 3. The health impacts of screen time - a guide for clinicians and parents, 4. The association between adolescent well-being and digital technology use, 5. A Large-Scale Test of the Goldilocks Hypothesis: Quantifying the Relations Between Digital-Screen Use and the Mental Well-Being of Adolescents

If there’s one unifying message across most of the research behind screen time and kids, it’s that parents shouldn’t feel guilty about allowing their children to use digital media. Screens aren’t going away anytime soon, so we need to find a way for kids to engage with them in a positive way and find a place for them in home environments. Above all, each home, family and child is different, so find a relationship with screens that works best for you and your family.